balance, Creativity, Healing, peace, Self-compassion

Peace and Ease is Underrated

I’m pretty fed up with the masculine mass consciousness that tells us that in order to evolve we need challenge, pain, discomfort, and suffering. Sure, all those experiences can be perfect learning tools, helping us discover boundaries, survive life’s bumps, and climb out of pits of doom. Let me just say that i’m writing this cuz I’m terrible at practicing this. Ok not terrible, but I’m definitely a slow learner here, and still feel pulled toward anything that would make me feel like a conventional badass rather than self-assured outcast. 

No more work needed here. The mountain has been climbed.

Sure, in struggling the intention is to become aware of your disillusionment, and wiser as a result.  But, the design of the soul is not to be stuck in suffering. You aren’t destined for darkness or heaviness. We must not think that ease is empty of wisdom, that there is no growth in a period of peace. Your energies want to play and explore and expand, and they can do so when they feel free. Freedom is the result of peace and ease. In choice-making, path-carving, and soul-searching, the way that creates the most peace and ease is always for your highest good. It is a way of powerful transformation and expansion. 

I’m not talking about that fluffy high ya’ll get post spa-treatment during which you spend your entire time on pintrist fantasizing about your best life, or the care-free “YOLO” lifestyle, or the lazy “I’m just going to ignore all my responsibilities and not care” sort of ease….that shit doesn’t last, and it often is our way of feeding our preexisting imbalances. It doesn’t even penetrate us. It lives on the surface. I’m talking about the deep sense of ease you get when your soul can truly rest confidently in it’s ability to take care of yourself. The type of peace that allows your cells to breath your entire body in alignment with your higher self. Sometimes the path is still really fricking hard, but you know you are creating a life that is authentic to you. And that is what makes all other struggle bearable. This is not just a matter of softness, but of immense strength.

Trying to cultivate some ease of being in the Apple store, awaiting the Genius Bar, ending up being that weirdo in the corner that probably has the employees calling security.

Imagine how much free creative energy you would have if you were not in conflict. Most of us probably can’t even imagine that because we are so far removed from such way. Imagine how empowered you would feel if you weren’t stressing the fuck out all the time. You could use your creative energy for so many live-giving things that you can’t even imagine yet. Imagine you are in a bubble, and the hand of stress comes along and crushes that bubble right up against your body, so close that anything that moves could pop it. Now imagine your bubble extends beyond the walls of the room you’re in. Your awareness can extend beyond what is right in front of you and you forget about the 1/6,348,428 chance that a bear is going to attack you at any moment. (How could you ever grow when you are constantly worrying about the bear?!) WOW! Now, from this perspective, what do you want to do with you life? I imagine it isn’t quite the same as the crumpled up bubble prison. 

But, alas, we are taught that growth is only made when we do what is hard, or something we don’t actually want, because we need to learn “discipline,” “respect,” “duty,” “selfless service,” and that basically we don’t actually deserve all that we have ever wanted and more. This is bullshit. It all creates noise and disease that cuts you off from your life force and purpose, which is to be a soul and expand. You deserve it all, and you can take full ownership of the internal peace you maintain in your life. The overall concept can be that simple, but of course it is hard to practice this when we’re trained to do the opposite. We have so much information trying to confuse us and convince us we don’t know what’s best for us. 

We are in such a strange time….our lives are overflowing with imposed responsibilities and our intellects are bombarded with information that we can’t even process our days, or even say hello to our tender hearts, our true guides. I will propose that creating ease in our lives is more simple than we assume. We already know what would make us feel more human again. We already sense what we want, even if our intellect tries to stomp it out. Fundamentally ease is simple, even if it isn’t easy. Our lives aren’t simple, and maybe that is just a matter of our thought patterns. How have we strayed? How do we return? When we listen, the message is clear, and when we have clarity, we understand that our desires are simple. When we allow our hearts to guide us, the internal world no longer has to fight with the external world.

Hoping to sooth my soul amid trees, and end up start stressing cuz I’ve never assembled a propane stove.

My practices that quiet the conversation with stress include:

long walks

being in nature

doing less

gazing into the distance

slowing down

saying no

giving myself permission to feel what I feel 

Please share ways in which you already do or wish to create ease and peace in your life, be it a simple daily task, or a larger undertaking. Thanks for reading 🙂

Creativity, Humor, New Blog, Transitions

I hate technology. So naturally I created a blog.

If I had it my way I would be running around the world without having to abide by intentions or boundaries. As beautiful as my mind is, it has created dis-ease for me most of my life without me realizing it. Now, I am trying on the understanding that my mind and all its creativity is here to work with me for the purpose of my soul’s greatest desire for expression. I’m writing this blog because I don’t know what else to do right now, because every time I have and idea and am ready to get jamming my body is like HAHA PSYCH! (Chronic illness is really fun.) I wanna scream at my Mr. Miyagi soul, telling my inner grasshopper to be patient so I don’t keep jumping around the field until I get chopped up by a weed wacker. This almost happened on several occasions before I learned how to be careful. So I suppose this gestation period is all for my highest good however frustrating it is. 

We all have a limited amount of energy to spend on things, and I am so done with the days of haphazardly giving my energy to things that give me nothing in return, so I am very conscious and particular with what I chose to involve myself with, be it jobs, projects, daily activities, people, things I read, what I listen to. Even the intellectual decision process of what is worth your while take more energy than I wish to give sometimes. 

Being that I am still too afraid to do what makes me feel most alive, like dance (big surprise to anyone who knows me) I use writing as my outlet. I have too many excuses to dance, including chronic illness, chronic back injuries, questions of identity, fear of past identity, ideas of self-worth, self-doubt, longing and belonging. using my body to share my artistry and wisdom still feels to vulnerable and raw. I figure I want to share, at least I could write. It may be a more mind-centric form of expression, but at least it is in service to my artistic creativity, rather than my intellectual ego that has had far too much airtime over the past 28 years I’ve been on this earth. I am a mover, so what am I doing sitting here in front of a screen? Not just for this blog, but I’m also writing a book. Don’t get excited just yet….I’m suddenly aware of just how SLOOOOOWLY I am to manifest my dreams, projects, passions. I mean, I’ve been unemployed five months….it took me three months to realize I wanted to write a blog, a month to convince myself that I should, and another month to actually set up my site and publish this. Why do we struggle so much with validating our desires? What makes them “valid?”

Part of my aversion to many things is that I have practically zero patience for technology. I do not understand it. I do not wish to understand it. Ok, I have a math degree but I can’t even use a Texas Instruments calculator for even close to what it’s worth. Humans have made it so hard for me to understand what it means to be a modern human. I don’t know what a plug-in is, I barely know how to perform a software update on my laptop, and I can’t perform it even when I try because I have no disk space. My browser is so outdated that I can even send emails from safari. Again, I cringe at the thought of having to back up my files on an external drive (which also require installed software) so that I can again have a functioning laptop with both space and up to date software. Social media freaks me out, I don’t want to be a virtual person, I want to be a living-in-the-flesh person, and orienting myself to screens makes my heart start to race and my mind unable to focus. I often have a hard time writing because my thoughts come and go faster than my brain can organize and my hands can write. But I payed for a year-long WordPress subscription, so here we go. I’m locked in. I signed up. Now I just have to learn how to promote myself. Setting up this blog was basically me clicking a lot of buttons impatiently and ignorantly between eating chocolate bars.

Learning how to operate machines and wireless connections are not my calling, but apparently they are a necessary skill for setting up any sort of business. Why does wanting to write mean that I have to know how to create a webpage? I’ve never even downloaded a song from iTunes….I don’t even know my Apple ID. Is it the same passcode I use for the iCloud (aka IF I use the cloud…cuz lord knows I don’t).  All I’m saying is that I am technologically handicapped and a failure of my generation, so developing a web presence is a natural way for me to promote myself…

I’ve recognized that every “rut” I’ve been in has really been a need to create that has not been met or able to express itself. If my body isn’t brave enough yet, let me use another part of my creativity as the vehicle, but remember that it my body has been the instigator and a huge guide leading me in this process.