Healing, Nature, Love, Ecosex, environmentalism

Ecosex: A Love Letter

This May I was so fortunate to acquaint myself with Scotland. The land reenforced by mission to align with the spirit of this magical planet. The rugged hills, craggy cliffs, tender wildflowers and countless lakes make the entire country one big national park. But this is all just Earth, yet modern life creates distinctions between what types of land and life belong where and how to label them. In Scotland, I did not feel such boundaries. I was traveling through an unmanicured continuum of earthly wonder. Even in cities and neighborhoods, humans upheld the wildness of nature. It seemed they were not threatened by the spirit of life. Their yards we cared for with intension and detail, however, they exemplified coexistence. Without micromanaging, what already grew was allowed to be and thrive. 

Man often talks of nature as something he discovered rather than what created him. Something that needs to be supervised or else she will extend beyond our control, just as all free women do. Truth be told, the world does not need to be put in order. She IS in order and it is up to humans to put ourselves in unison with that order. Earth consciousness is far greater than any will of man.  

“I like nature,” is such a strange identification, but one you hear a lot today, for it is en vogue to take trips to REI and sport your gear for your next social media occasion. I believe it is actually an unconscious yearning to rediscover our roots, but only knowing how through a capitalist lens. In any case, we have come to a digital age in which we feel the need to name that distinction. Earthlings, we have been flattened by the three-dimensionality of intellectual modern life, denying ourselves of what we are. 

Humans have long been taking the approach that Earth is our mother. No matter how many stupid things we do, she is there to give us more water, food, air, and more love…love that we do not even know is love because it is so essential to the cellular make up of our being. So essential that we cannot even differentiate it from our very existence. She is the estranged, abused, neglected mother that tolerates, adjusts, and gives far beyond what keeps her well, to say, “I believe in you. I trust that you can return to your truth, and even if you don’t, let me hold you.”

I invite you to take a different perspective, where Earth is not our mother, but our lover. One we hold with ultimate gratitude and appreciation every single day, whom we would never dare harm. One we help heal and help give birth to more and more life. We are excited to collaborate with her such that we both grow brighter. A lover we stand by even when she rages and weeps. We understand that upsets are a call for respectful, compassionate attention rather than fearful threats. We are willing to get dirty. The lover we hold sacred for impregnating us with life, abundance and sensation far beyond any mindscape. The lover we yearn to dig our hands into, stroke, lick, to rest against, and gaze into with awe, for all eternity. 

I do believe this is the way to trust life again and the way to deep peace. To be in love with the wholeness woven from infinite complexity. I will not take for granted all the gifts from my eternal lover, and I will do everything within me to know the abundance we have within us, and the support we have from her. 

Healing, Hiking, Humor, Nature, Self-compassion, Trekking

Mountain Musings

I’ve been hiking more lately not just because I feel at home in nature, but because I’m developing a fantasy (or waking up to my own truth….take your pick) of being a long-distance trekker. I realize I could totally make this happen if I believe in myself. While I am sooo antsy to pick up and seek adventure and connection, these days soften me, and remind me that I live in one of the most beautiful and most healing lands on Earth. Don’t let the lofty title of this post fool you…What follows is a bunch of stuff that came up for me on the trail today. Hopefully you find my quirkiness entertaining, or perhaps even consoling. 

This is why all the gray skies are worth it.

I still have cell reception. I should turn my phone on airplane mode. I don’t need to be “connected” while I’m here. But what if my dog dies while I’m gone and Mom needs to call me? Ok, I’m definitely keeping my phone on, but only to tell time and snap a below-average number of pictures. 

These sunglasses make me look like John Lennon, and that’s probably not very attractive. Why am I trying to look hot while I’m hiking? I can’t stand those people. I do have a subtle sheen of zinc oxide on my face, so perhaps it is best for me to keep the sunnies on. 

I wish this hike was longer because then I would feel like a badass. Maybe I can find a way to extend it. I have to work up to trekking distance status. BUT I’m also glad it’s not super long because I’m kind of anxious to get home, even though I have nothing to do there besides kick it with my parents and submit my weekly unemployment claim. 

If I keep up these hikes, between them and riding my bike, my legs are going to be BEEFY come summertime. 

Everyone smells like fucking fabric softener. I give up. Why do people associate “clean” with the scent of chemicals? I came out here to sniff dirt and evergreens. AND another 25% reek of perfume… REALLY?! Why are you out here?! I love that you choosing to be active and in nature, but you and the people carrying travel speakers can all go back to the mall and hang out. Please.

I bet all these people I’m passing listen to top 40 hits. What a horrible thing to say. I’m so judgmental (and a hypocrite). I listen to top 40 on the radio…cuz I don’t know how to search or download any cool music …so I can shut up right now. 

There are a lot of very small children on this trail…And some folks who would technically pass as senior citizens. Is my body so bent out of shape that these are my workout partners? (No.) Or is it just my ego that is so bend out of shape to even care? (Perhaps slightly.)

Don’t stare at hot daddies. Don’t stare at hot daddies and their super cute families. If you can’t help it, at least  smile at their wives and you can try to pet their dog if it seems appropriate. The exception to this is that one hot daddy that smiled at you first…He had two kids, zero wives, and zero rings. 

So if I were doing my thing as a trekker, how would I feel about resourcefully gathering, filtering, and sanitizing my own water? (I have the spirit and the physical capacity, but I have some practical wisdom to pick up on). With years of chronic health issues, I’ve been known to contract all sorts of viruses, bacteria, and other bugs, so why would I knowingly subject myself to more of that? Maybe being in nature on my own would heal some soul wound and make all my health problems go away. If not, I suppose I have endured five straight weeks of explosive diarrhea, the first 10 days of which were a solo road trip. So I suppose I could handle what comes my way. Besides, having diarrhea on trail has to be a lot more convenient that in a sedan that has to pull off the road at any given time, hoping to find a gas station without having a (traffic) accident. Our hips were designed for squatting and there is a lot more privacy in the forest. 

Unemployment generally has me free seven days a week, so why do I keep hiking on Saturdays and Sundays when everyone else is stinking up the trails and parking lots? Not that I’m antisocial…I am an introvert and YES I did notice I am the only one out here hiking solo, but that’s because I am a silence seeker…not because I’m a loner. I mean, I DID come out here to be alone. What have I really done with my life the last six months? STOP thinking that way, Katrina…You are on a soul journey you can’t measure. 

Which way is up. Does it really matter?

I’m really sure-footed walking on uneven ground…I’ve gotta remember that metaphorically spiritual awakening. 

Maybe I could make a living by writing silly blog posts like this. I’m a recovering over-thinker and writing this is kind of like word vomit and it feels pretty good. My intellect isn’t getting the best of me. Maybe I could make a living from being funny rather than being a hella woke spiritual warrior like in that other dream I’ve been having. Humor is healing. I would have to find a way to be funny in private…like online or something so I don’t have to be super social…That would drain me.  I could start carrying my laptop around everywhere so that I can write these thoughts down on the fly. There’s probably and app for that but I’m not to into the whole app thing. 

If I stare at the river rapids for a while, and then quickly shift my gaze to rocks, the lands appears to be oozing and shifting…What really is still and what is in motion? What are our eyes telling us? How are we using our vision? Maybe my eye chakras are opening.

I’m going to sit on a rock down by the river and be super mindful. Brilliant ideas are going to come to me. I think I’ll write my next blog post about all the great ideas that came to me o this hike. 

I’m going to be so ready for my beef stew when I get back to the car. 

If I count those plantain chips I ate earlier as my daily fruit, then I don’t have to eat the tangerines I packed. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK…so obviously I still have some anorexic tendencies lurking inside me…

Good thing I sat on that rock. It really set a good tone. 

I love touching moss. These forests are so textural. What a fucking beautiful place we live. The light is perfect. 

I’m definitely going to listen to Bruce Springsteen on the way home. Then I can pretend that this adventure is a lot grander than just 45 miles from home. I’m almost 29…I should be globetrotting by now. 

DUDE. Have some grace on yourself. No wonder you have hesitations about manifesting your hippy dreams. You are anything but a wimp. What you have gone through with your health has exposed how next-level badass you really are. You’ve needed these years of societal reliance. No one wants to feel like crap in the comfort of their own home, let alone in the wilderness.

I just pulled off to let about 12 people pass and not ONE acknowledged my existence. How Seattle of them. 

If I saw these views in another country I would think they were spectacular, but they are basically just in my backyard so they’re not that exciting…WOW I’m such an ungrateful piece of shit. 

Great! Time for my stew. I’m eating right under a major power line. Is that the EMFs making my legs tingle? Oh wait…No, I just sat in a field of red ants. Sweet. 

I can’t believe I didn’t pee on that entire hike. That’s unheard of. I suppose I should do a compulsory squat behind the car before the drive home.